by - 2:18 PM

 sometimes i feel so confidence
but, once the insecure wins the whole me, it drops me to the ground.
it feels empty, cold, scary, dark, yet so quiet.

sometimes, me being introvert, and it feels okay.
yet again, the extrovert feeling is just not being okay.
it's confusing.

i feel anxious as hell.
the anxiety is coming around, haunts me way deeper.
tired? i am.

it's not about dealing yet accepting myself.
but the moment when you feel anxious,
towards everything that you feel okay but not.
i'm trying to deny.
deny the feeling, the anxiety.
but it makes me feel pathetic.
i feel stupid.
just too crazy over the mix feeling.

the more times i spent, the more anxious i am.
the more it lasts, the more confuse i do.

no more suicide i try these days
because i've been thinking about my mom been there.
yet, the sun wakes me up to think
to gain what i need to do
to not make her feel broken.

it's confusing,
this pandemic brought me to another darkest phase i've ever been.

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